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AUGUST 2009 In This Issue Feature Articles Motivate me: starting on the path to a healthy body weight
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Ask Pam Each month, NLP Trainer, Master Practitioner, and coach Pam Rigden will be working with a case study that you submit. Pam will explain how you can integrate NLP and coaching skills into your work so that you can succeed with your most ‘challenging’ clients. Dear Pam I saw your article last month and thought I would ask you to help me with our own challenging client. Any insight you could provide would be much appreciated. She has been a client for nearly three years and though I have seen significant positive changes in her lifestyle and movement ability, weight loss is something she continues to struggle with. She is in her late 40s; her weight fluctuates between 170 and 220lbs. She has worked with personal trainers for many years. She is also working with a counselor because she is also dealing with several family difficulties from her childhood and adulthood. We started working together four times per week, during which time she was seeing a massage therapist weekly and physiotherapy for orthopaedic conditions. We are now down to twice per week, she also adds pilates (private and group reformer) two times per week; in June she added a Spin and Sculpt class twice per week. Our sessions are mainly cardio and stretching with a little bit of resistance training, to keep her active and help her recover. She has a history of doing well for a certain period of time – her exercise and nutrition will be on track – and then it stops happening, normally in response to the most recent family crisis. She has tried various diets and weight loss retreats, which have had some positive effect. She has told me that her way of dealing with ‘family stress’ is to eat at night, which she has curbed and sometimes up to 5,000 calories, now down to 2,000 per day. She also used to go out more and socialize by consuming a lot more alcohol than she does now. Her nutrition habits are starting to change and become long-term lifestyle habits. I would, as would she and her physician like to see her get to and maintain a healthier weight of 160lbs by finding alternative stress relief choices, quality nutritional choices, and appropriate physical activities. Thanks, Alfred Ball, founder and president of Lifemoves Health and Rehabilitation. Hi Alfred Thanks so much for writing. Whilst I acknowledge that your client has made some progress, and it says a great deal about your commitment to her that you have taken this step, the fact that this client has been working with personal trainers for ten years tells me that something isn’t working. We have a saying in NLP ‘If you keep on doing the same thing, you will keep on getting the same results’ – and from what you’re telling me, you would like to see a different result – it’s time for a new approach. My first recommendation for this client would be some serious stress relief. Once this is in place, I think it would be useful to find out what your client’s negative behaviours are doing for her so that she can address that need in other healthier ways. Finally, you could use the ‘New Behaviour Generator’ technique to help her install the new strategies. Stress Relief Most people tend to think of ‘stress’ as something that happens to them. Whereas people who have experienced NLP regard ‘stress’, and the associated hormonal response, as a response we choose to particular circumstances. As adults, we can choose to walk away from those circumstances and respond differently; we can even choose to create different circumstances. However, children experiencing challenging circumstances in the home cannot walk away; they do not have a choice. For them, ‘stress’ becomes the norm. ‘Stress’ has become the norm for your client. Let’s refer to her experience of ‘stress’ as her ‘Problem Box’ (because she is stuck inside it). What she experiences when she tentatively steps of her ‘Problem Box’, not Stress, is unfamiliar and uncomfortable, and ironically will be perceived as stressful. It’s a classic double bind, and, of the two options, ‘stress’ versus not ‘stress’, ‘stress’ is preferable because it is the more comfortable of the two. In other words, your client’s ‘Problem Box’, with its familiar, albeit unhelpful patterns, and familiar brain chemistry equals her comfort zone. As a child growing up, your client’s Sympathetic Nervous System – the Fight or Flight response - would have been active most of the time. The Parasympathetic System – your Rest and Relaxation System - only kicks in when you feel safe – which is almost never when you experience a challenging childhood. When your client is in her “Problem Box’ she will be operating out of her Sympathetic Nervous System, and, when you coax her out of her ‘Problem Box’ and she begins to make changes, she will still be operating out of her Sympathetic Nervous System because not ‘stress’, because it is unfamiliar, is also perceived as stressful. Add to all of this the impact of repeated dieting and the only surprising thing is that she doesn’t weigh more than she does. When we restrict our food intake, because we want to drop a dress size or seven, the more primitive part of the brain, the limbic system, assumes that it is experiencing famine. The sympathetic response kicks and activates all sorts of mechanisms designed to stave off starvation – and your client’s system will be flooded with stress hormones making her more likely to crave calories and store them as fat. When we spoke on the phone, I suggested that you went out and bought a selection of relaxation and meditation CDs to give to your client. My concern is that, left to her own devices, she may not make time to listen to them. Currently, I think her need to relax is actually greater than her need to exercise. Indeed it is possible (and you are the best judge of this) that physical exertion, particularly if it is a ‘have to’ as in ‘I should go to the gym’ actually equals more stress for her, more Sympathetic Response, etc. At least for a few weeks I would suggest that you use the time that you spend with your client to take her through some Altered State Relaxation exercises. In NLP Practitioner Training, I teach a technique developed by Lars Eric Unesthal which uses progressive muscular relaxation; I would be happy to send you the scripts. Whilst it may seem radical to offer this rather than a workout, it is likely that this will be the first time your client has experienced total relaxation – you will be teaching her to relax the weight off. The great thing about this technique is that the client learns how to anchor the state of total relaxation; they can then access it easily and use it as a stress management tool. Elicit the Positive Intention The key to breaking habitual behaviour is to illicit the positive intention behind it (NLP presupposes that there is a positive intention behind all behaviour). In other words, you need to find out what eating at night does for your client. This in itself will make letting go of the unwanted behaviour far easier. For example, if it transpires that your client is ‘comfort eating’ you can explore other healthier ways in which she can satisfy her need for comfort. Your client gives up on her good intentions because there was a good intention behind the unwanted behaviour in the first place. The unwanted behaviour has been in place much longer and therefore feels comfortable and familiar, remember the ‘Problem Box’, even when your client says that she wants to change. We elicit the Positive Intention through the process of ‘Chunking Up’; simply ask the question, ‘And what does that do for you’ of the behaviour. Sample Dialogue Be sure play your client’s exact words back to her in this way What does eating at night do for you? Apart from making me feel sick? Yes, apart from making you feel sick? It makes me feel less empty And what does that do for you when you feel less empty? And what does that do for you when you feel more comfortable? And what does that do for you, when you have hope? And what does that do for you when you feel like you can do anything? And what does that do for you when you feel like you belong? And what does that do for you when you feel like you matter? And what does that do for you when you feel good about yourself? And what does that do for you when you realise that you are worthwhile and have a place in the world? In this case, it is clear that the Positive Intention ultimately is to feel loved, and the first step toward feeling loved is feeling ‘less empty’ to use the clients words. It’s not about the cookies. In this example you would ask, ‘What else can you do now, as an adult, that would make you feel less empty, and ultimately more loved.’ You can ask your client to sleep on it and the unconscious mind will provide the solutions. New Behaviour Generator This technique allows you to choose new behaviours and run them through in your mind before actually trying them out. You mentally rehearse your future behaviour and so pace yourself into this new future. Future pacing also allows you check that the new behaviour fits. You can use this with your client to install any new behaviour ranging from alternative stress relief choices, to quality nutritional choices. I recommend you practise working on a new behaviour you would like to adopt before working with your client. V C V R A C A R K A D As You Look At a Normally Organized PersonVc Visual Construct = Making Up Images Not Seen Before STEPS:
Talk to yourself. Ask yourself, “What do I want to do differently?”
See yourself (dissociated) doing that new behaviour. Notice what happens to your state and the effect upon any other people involved.
Step into the experience and feel how it is. The kinaesthetic check is a crucial part of your evidence procedure. It enables you to evaluate your new behaviour and make any necessary adjustments.
Make any necessary adjustments or modifications. Find some alternatives – you may make changes or add in new pieces – and then run them in your mind’s eye. Watch what happens, and then check the associated feeling.
Think of a time in the future when you will want to have this choice of behaviour. Notice the cues that it is time to do it. Imagine yourself in that context and then run through the new behaviour, As you watch yourself, notice what happens, and then associate into the future you and check the feelings. If you need to change anything run through the procedure again until you get a positive K check. I sincerely hope that you can incorporate the above suggestions into your work with your client and that they help you help her reach and maintain a healthier weight of 160 lbs. I do believe that stress relief is key, and that once this has been addressed, not only will she lose the weight, the other changes she wants to make will happen easily. Do you have a ‘challenging client’? Would you like Pam’s input? Please send details to Pam at health@fitness-unlimited.biz or call her at 416.778.4636.
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